A lot of times on social media it might look like people have the perfect lives or like nothing has ever gone wrong, but realistically we know that’s not true.
So we are tracking down some of peoples that you probably already follow to have them tell you something about themselves that you probably don’t know.
Because by telling these stories that we don’t normally share on a public platform, we can find out who’s behind the handle and all grow together.
Who is Jazzmyne ?
My name is Jazzmyne and I am a video producer at Buzzfeed.
I feel like people see me online as many different things. People consider me to be very confident. I’m going to be walking in a runway show as a plus-sized woman for the first time.
I hope to be empowering to people and I hope to push people out of their comfort zones and help them feel good about that.
I would describe my social media to be kind of like me which changes day by day.
I post often, because I really like my outfits a lot . I also do it for visibility purposes.
I just want at least once a day someone to see a story or a picture of something of mine and to feel seen. But there’s something you might not know about me .
A lot of my close friends know about me, a lot of my family know this about me,
I think the only times I’ve talked about this publicly is when I’m feeling super vulnerable.
I’m also like nervous.
It’s a lot to talk about, like we all have history. Knowing this backstory will either make people be like – oh, that makes sense – or – oh, that’s doesn’t make sense, why does she look like this?
There’s just so much room for judgment.
How Jazzmyne beginning ?
I’m from a very small town with a lot of cornfields and a lot of people who didn’t look like me.
Everybody in my town was very small, everyone was very blonde or had very long hair.
I was the only person of color for a long time and that got to me. I was like 10 looking like I was 15, already went through all these changes that my friends didn’t understand. And my dad’s black, my mom’s white, I had like curly hair, I was darker than all my friends who wanted to be as black as me or as tan as me. It was a hard time.
So by the time I go to high school, it was rough just trying to be myself. And the one place that I was allowed to be myself was in volleyball .
I played volleyball all my life and I loved it. But it got to this point where I was around 16 years old and everything was just coming at me so fast. I was the captain of the team, And the first team all-conference, getting good grades, I was also working, doing travel volleyball. I always had so much pressure and I always put myself to that pressure, even if people weren’t telling me about it, I was putting it on myself regardless.
So a lot just got to me and then it came to a point where I heard there was another girl in my class who was like people knew that she had an eating disorder or a problem with eating.
And for some reason that like sparked an interest in me. There was so much just going around and running crazy that the one thing that I could focus on, was the food and how I eat it and if I don’t eat it.
So when I was 15 normally what I would do is I would not eat for a very long amount of time. If I did eat like an actual meal, the first thing I would do is make myself sick afterwards. I obviously was not okay to think that an eating disorder sounded like that’s the only way I could get control into my life. It would go periods of like eating maybe a meal per two days or I would get sick after every time I ate. It would get almost immediate to the effect where I almost felt sick after I ate, because I knew I was gonna make myself sick.
Tons of people would compliment – oh, you’re looking so good, –oh, have you lost weight?
And I’m like oh, I’m starving myself for two days .
Of course people don’t know this and of course people are being nice, but I don’t no, people only know what they see I guess .
Did anyone around you know that this was going on ?
Nobody around me knew that this was going on, nobody at all. I told my best friend at the time and she was the person that actually drove me to telling my family. She was just so worried about me and was like your family needs to know this, if you don’t tell them, I’m going to tell them.
I think she maybe allowed me sit on it for like two weeks and then I told my family. It was about a year between me starting my eating disorder and me telling my family.
When I told my family this I remember, we were sitting at our kitchen table and I was like hysterically crying. I told them all together, my mom, my dad, and my brother, that I had been starving myself, and I’ve been getting sick every time after I ate . And oh, they just broke down.
Yeah, it sucked to let people down that care about you .
What was the Reaction ??
My family, first of all they were distraught that I would do something like that. I also was like a very good child. I remember my mom immediately the next day printed out all these things you can do if your child has an eating disorder and got me a book. My mom really, really tried hard. But eventually I found a therapist and went to therapy. I was going through my mom’s emails
and I found an email between her and my aunt talking about it and it like tore me apart of how sad she was for me. So that sucked.
Then were was one time in therapy where I was talking to her in this room and I passed out because I hadn’t eaten anything, and then I woke back up and everyone was like freaking out around me telling me what happened. I was like okay, this is where I need to reevaluate my life.
I’m really hurting the people around me, Putting myself in danger. That was kind of my breaking point of like I need to stop doing this.
I went to my therapy appointment early and my therapist was in the office, the door was cracked and she was talking to her boss. He was like okay, if she’s getting this bad then we need to submit her to go to Rehab . I heard him say those words and she agreed.
I was like oh, I can’t, I can’t do that. Like where in my life timeline that I have mapped out for me for the next few years, where is rehab going to fit?
I started freaking out and I went to that one therapy appointment , we talked about stuff, and then I like immediately stopped after that.
Because then going to rehab would have made you be out of control ??
Yes, yes, exactly. Going to rehab would’ve meant that my control would be in somebody else’s hands. I couldn’t do that. So I was like don’t need to be doing this anymore.
Are you just stopped kind a cold turkey ??
Yeah, I completely stopped, didn’t look back. Having an eating disorder is still a really big part of my life. I don’t think about directly starving myself or making myself sick, but there are things that definitely trigger me that I’m a lot more sensitive too. I forgot to eat all day or oh, I just lost track of time. And I’m like, I never lose track of time, it’s breakfast.
I feel like my body now, it’s so weird because a lot of people think it’s up for discussion and it’s not. I currently love what I look like and I have for awhile. Like I think that I have a problem to be honest. I could put on 20 pounds and I will walk around like I just dropped 50. I always look at myself and I’m like damn, like someone’s gonna want this.
And it’s me.
What Makes You Unique ??
I get so many comments on YouTube to the point where like I’m numb. My favorite comment that I ever see over and over again is I don’t know why, but I hate Jazzmyne.
I know you hate me because you’re not familiar with a bigger woman with no hair wearing lipstick, wearing whatever the hell she wants and being confident at the same time.
You’re not familiar with that and that’s how I know I’m doing my job correctly. For me personally, it is always going to be a time and a point in my life and to watch that growth is amazing.
And so I don’t necessarily think that’s it’s something you have to be ashamed of or embarrassed of. We’re all people and we’re all going through things and all’s we wanna do is just feel good and be loved. And to be loved by ourselves. At the end of the day, I’m living with me 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I mean you gotta be happy with that.